Miss<333Mariss

100000 steps backward

Wed, 18 Apr 2007 22:05:27 GMT

everything from my previous entry is null and void.

i suck at life

The grass is always greener on the other side

Sun, 15 Apr 2007 19:46:09 GMT

it is a rough road that leads to the heights of greatness

These past 5 weeks have been a real turning point for me. The hugest emotional rollercoater, the biggest obsticles ive ever had to start to overcome, the most ive ever learned about myself. I met some of the most incredible women, put trust in them, and allowed everyone, includng myself, to experience a whole new side of me. These ladies are so inspirational and deserve so much, but I was never able to see that for myself. I went in feeling hopeless, helpless, worthless, and with the support, care, and love from these girls I am finally starting to see that there may be a light at the end of my tunnel. I still feel not good enough, and will probably always feel that way, but it is true that the more you are told how much you are cared about and that people really do see amazing things in your future and that you deserve so much more than this, you do start to believe it... and i think the only reason i started to is because i just met these people and they have nothing invested in giving me compliments. They are there for themselves, so to go out of their way to really help me did make me slightly begin to feel worth more than what I am living.
This is just the beginning and I have so much to overcome- a lifetime of struggles Ive already been dealt, and those I still have yet to face, but I am finally seeing that this is not as good as it gets. I may not have hit rock bottom yet, and for all I know I still might because this fight is not over. It will never be. But i just have to stay strong, stay motivated, and know that everything will eventually fall into place. And remember that this too shall pass.

Let a man's talents or virtues be what they may, he will only feel satisfaction as he is satisfied in himself.

Gemini!!

Thu, 01 Mar 2007 00:22:11 GMT

Gemini (the twins) is a very complex and confusing sign. To some people you can seem like a wonderful friend, while to others you will seem two-faced and sneaky. You will act like a child for most of your life. That includes both the good and bad characteristics of children. You are happy and energetic when things go right for you. However, when things go wrong, you can be passive-aggressive and very mean. You find decisions hard to make, since you can never stay with the one that you originally choose. You tend to fight loosing battles for something that you call a "moral" cause (even though you know it isn't).
One quality (you decide whether it's good or bad) you have is the ability to lie and appear that you are telling the complete truth. You prefer to use someone else's solution to a problem than thinking of your own. Many of Gemini's poorer traits are due to your lack of self-esteem. It is very tough to get your attention. You will be thinking about many things at a time and you can't concentrate on any particular thing at one time. You may be praising somebody but at the same time you will be thinking against him(her). But the most intelligent people on the earth are Geminians.

i am like the definiation of a gemini haha i hope i dont ocme off two-faced and sneaky :(

im actually updating?!?!?

Sat, 17 Feb 2007 18:07:57 GMT

wow havnt updated in like a year haha

hmmm what to say, what to say

omg im watching Sabrina and Eden's Crush was just on it singing Get Over Yourself... Goodbye. haha random

-so I got into Brandeis (i dont think i ever wrote that i did?) but i didnt get nearly enough money to be able to go, so unless my dad can work something out with them, it looks like that wont work out. and Im quite upset.
- 42nd st opened!! itz soooo good and you should def all come. itz been a lot of fun. the cast is amazing.
-I have my last college audition this week- at Geneseo, which looks like my next best choice for college cuz it is the only one we can actually afford haha even tho i kinda dont really want to go there. whatevs.. we'll see what happens
-yay itz vacation! and itz much needed considering ive been getting home at like 1 in the morning these past few weeks from rehearsals haha. yay for relaxation..except not cuz im still quite busy anyhow
-ugh Im going crazy. i have soo much on my mind and so many things are going on. im dealing with so many personal things right now, and on top im soo stressed about college, and im having problems with 42nd st stuff. this year just needs to end already
-i had a good talk with radha Hilary and Cori. I kinda filled them in on some stuff, which i was kinda nervous about but they are so great. and it was really necessary.

ok i think thats good for now. peace!

Sun, 28 Jan 2007 18:35:46 GMT

on fri me hil and cori surprised radha for her b-day by taking her ice skating. she has never gone before and always said she wanted to go. so she went over coris just thinking they were hanging out but instead we were all there with a surprise little party with a balloon and a cake and stuff. and then we went to the mall to get her gift cuz she wanted shoes so she needed to be there to try them on and stuff and then we went ice skating which was fun... and cold...and hurt my feet. Raz didnt really like it, but thats ok- now she knows lol.but like it was a fun night out, which i really needed. it took my mind off of everything that has been happening.

i guess all it takes is a fun night out with the girls to ease my mind... even tho my mind will never be at ease ahha. whatevs. it was a night greatly needed.

yesterday i helped out at the girl i babysit for's birthday party. it was a princess party and all the girls came in their favorite disney princess costume and i did their nails and gave them tattoos of like flowers and the princesses and they made jewelry. ugh it was soooo cute. i love how theyre 5 and im 17 and i wish it was my party haha.

BU audition on fri. oh gosh

Sun, 21 Jan 2007 14:04:34 GMT

Take me as I am- by Mary J Blige

She's been down and out
She's been wrote about
She's been talked about, constantly
She's been up and down
She's been pushed around
But they held her down, NYC
She has no regrets
She accepts the past
All these things they
helped make to make she
She's been lost and found
And she's still around
There's a reason for everything

You know I've been holdin on.
Try to make me weak,
But I still stay strong.
Put my life all up in these songs
Jus so you can feel me.

So take me as I am,
or have nothing at all.
Just take me as I am,
or have nothing at all.

Now she's older now
Yes, she's wiser now
Can't disguise her now
She don't need
No one tellin her
What to do and say
No one tellin her
Who to be
She's on solid ground
She's been lost and found
Now, she answers to G-O-D
And she's confident
This is not the end
Ask me how I know
Cause she is me.

You know I've been holdin on.
Try to make me weak,
But I still stay strong.
Put my life all up in these songs
Jus so you can feel me.

So take me as I am,
or have nothing at all.
Just take me as I am,
or have nothing at all.

So it's all or nothing at all,
All or nothing at all
Don't you know I can only be me.
(I can only be me, yeah)

So take me as I am,
or have nothing at all.
Just take me as I am,
or have nothing at all.

Take me as I am.
Take me as I am.
Said it's all or nothing at all
Said it's all or nothing at all

Just take me as I am,
or have nothing at all. (This is me)
Just take me as I am, (take me as i am)
or have nothing at all.
Just take me as I am, (take me as i am)
or have nothing, nothing at all.
Take me as I am.

such a powerful song. Oprah told her it sounded like an anthem when she was on her show haha

and

1. Who are you?

2. Are we friends?

3. When and how did we meet?

4. How have I affected you?

5. What do you think of me?

6. What's the fondest memory you have of me?

7. How long do you think we will be friends?

8. Do you love me?

9. Do you have a crush on me?

10. Would you kiss me?

11. Would you hug me?

12. Physically, what stands out?

13. Emotionally, what stands out?

14. Do you wish I was cooler?

15. On a scale of 1-10, how hot am I?

16. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.

17. Am I loveable?

18. How long have you known me?

19. Describe me in one word.

20. What was your first impression?

21. Do you still think that way about me now?

22. What do you think my weakness is?

23. Do you think I'll get married?

24. What makes me happy?

25. What makes me sad?

26. What reminds you of me?

27. If you could give me anything what would it be?

28. How well do you know me?

29. When's the last time you saw me?

30. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?

31. Do you think I could kill someone?

32. Do you miss me?

33. Do you think i miss you?

Tue, 02 Jan 2007 03:13:37 GMT

dear 2007,
please let me be happy this year.
love Marissa

Just Breathe

Tue, 26 Dec 2006 04:14:24 GMT

2 AM and she calls me 'cause I'm still awake,
"Can you help me unravel my latest mistake?,
I don't love him. Winter just wasn't my season"
Yeah we walk through the doors, so accusing their eyes
Like they have any right at all to criticize,
Hypocrites. You're all here for the very same reason

'Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button, girl.
So cradle your head in your hands
And breathe... just breathe,
Oh breathe, just breathe

May he turn 21 on the base at Fort Bliss
"Just a day" he said down to the flask in his fist,
"Ain't been sober, since maybe October of last year."
Here in town you can tell he's been down for a while,
But, my God, it's so beautiful when the boy smiles,
Wanna hold him. Maybe I'll just sing about it.

Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable,
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table.
No one can find the rewind button, boys,
So cradle your head in your hands,
And breathe... just breathe,
Oh breathe, just breathe

There's a light at each end of this tunnel,
You shout 'cause you're just as far in as you'll ever be out
And these mistakes you've made, you'll just make them again
If you only try turning around.

2 AM and I'm still awake, writing a song
If I get it all down on paper, it's no longer inside of me,
Threatening the life it belongs to
And I feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd
Cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud
And I know that you'll use them, however you want to

But you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable,
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button now
Sing it if you understand.
and breathe, just breathe
woah breathe, just breathe,
Oh breathe, just breathe,
Oh breathe, just breathe.

ugh i luv this song. such inspiring lyrics- so realistic

dreamgirls

Sat, 23 Dec 2006 23:24:06 GMT

OMG I SAW DREAMGIRLS LAST NIGHT in the city because its not out yet and like only 3 theatres in the whole nation has it playing right now and my dad got us tickets and like first- the theatre was amazing- it was like going to broadway haha like there was a chandelier in there and cases with costumes from the movie and they gave out a big playbill with pictures and quotes and biographies of the cast members. but omg the movie might be the best movie i ever saw. ever. it was so powerful and raised so many topics and issues as we saw the girls struggle to find fame and happiness at the same time. and the message about believing in yourself and never giving up and that "all you have to do is dream" is so powerful. and everyone in the cast was just soooooooooo amazing- Jamie Fox was incredible, Beyonce, who i was unsure of, blew me away, but honestly Jennifer Hudson was so unreal. Like i have never seen such talent itz indescribible. Afetr she sang Im Not Going the audience stood up and applauded as if we were at broadway (but the whole crowd seemed like theatre people cuz like every1 at the end of the movie was saying how they wished they could sing like jennifer and the guy behind me was talking about how he was trying to get a show of his onto broadway lol i guess hes a producer?). Like, itz people like Jennifer Hudson who make me realize how much i love to sing and how much thats what i want to do with my life, but at the same time makes me upset because I know i will never have the talent and ability to. But seriously, this movie and this cast was sooo unbelievable and made such an impact on me.

ok, moving on, yay itz vacation!
i had my last winter concert on thursday and like i wasnt sad during it but i just culdnt believe it was my last one and that next year id be coming up with the alumnis. time just goes so fast.
wooo i made 42nd st at cap center. im gladys haha. yay for me and Jackie cuz shes Ethel haha- we sound like old grandmas ut im so excited and the rest of the cast is so good so i cant wait for rehearsals to start
ugh i want to kno where im going to college already. it seems like evry1 knows already and i havnt heard from anywhere. gahhhhh

ok thats about it for now. byebye. happy holidays!!

I am alone at a crossroads
I'm not at home, in my own home
And I tried and tried
To say whats on my mind
You should have known
Oh,
Now I'm done believin you
You don't know what I'm feelin
I'm more than what, you made of me
I followed the voice
you gave to me
But now I gotta find, my own..

Processional night

Tue, 12 Dec 2006 03:43:42 GMT

Tonight was processional night and i never could have imagined how emotional it would have been- for me and for everyone else. On every other day i never truly the bond and connection and love everyone showed for each other tonight. People were basically expressing their lives and some very painful things and this whole experience really got me thinking. While i may hate living here on an ordianary and i just cant wait to leave and start fresh and meet a whole new set of people, there is no way I can leave everything I have right now. im not ready to grow up, to have to depend on myself, and have to start everything new. I just cant imagine my life not as it is now and it scares me. It just shows how fast time really does go and how you have to treasure every minute of it because while 8 months seems like a long time, after living here for 17 years, 8 months is nothing and its going to go by soo quickly. and it just makes me really upset.

and then i realized that ive been friends with my closest friends for like my entire life- since like first grade- and they know absolutely nothing about me. even with them i feel like i have to put on a front...i could never cry in front of them or tell them how I feel, and why is that? thats why i was so surprise when i started to cry tonight, and it was like hardcore- because i havnt cried in front of people in soo long. but like the hting is no one actually knows what i cry about- even my best friends. no one knows anything about me.

writing

Thu, 30 Nov 2006 02:32:43 GMT

I realized after my last entry that writing stuff down really does help me. Like itz soo good to like get everything out of my head onto paper because otherwise my brain gets soo consumed by so many thoughts that like I cant function until i can get it all out..is that wierd? But like writing things down puts stuff into perspective and like lets u take a step back and like analyze your own thoughts because theyre right there in front of you. And you can say whatever you want because you wont get in trouble it and no one will see what you write.
And then i realized how powerful and helpful song writing is cuz like ive been writing songs since I was 5 and they are always about how I feel or things I can relate to and songs are just so expressive. Thats how I think you can tell a real songwriter, because the listener will know that the writer feels and relates to what they are writing about, and there is real emotion in the song.
Anyway, the reason i kinda went on this tangent is cuz basically over the past few months I have been writing in my journal excessively, but I found it really helps, and ive also written a few songs because being able to express myself through music...i dont know, but like it helps me, even if Im the only one who hears the song. Im contemplating putting a song i just wrote in this entry but like they reveal a lot and like no one will understand, and like Id feel so emo, so i dont think it'll happen. maybe next entry lol.

all-state tomorrow..oh gosh

Sun, 26 Nov 2006 17:09:10 GMT

She walks to school with a lunch she packed
Nobody knows what she's holding back;
Wearing the same dress she wore yesterday,
She hides the bruises with the linen and lace;
oh

The teacher wonders but she doesn't ask,
It's hard to see the pain behind the mask;
Bearing the burdon of a secret storm,
Sometimes she wishes she was never born;

Through the wind and the rain,
She stands hard as a stone in a world that she can't rise above;
But her dreams give her wings and she flies to a place where she's loved.

Concrete Angel

Somebody cries in the middle of the night,
The neighbors hear but they turn out the lights;
A fragile soul caught in the hands of fate,
When morning comes it will be too late.

Through the wind and the rain,
She stands hard as a stone in a world that she can't rise above;
But her dreams give her wings and she flies to a place where she's loved.

Concrete Angel

A statue stands in a shaded place,
An angel girl with an upturned face;
Her name is written on a polished rock,
A broken heart that the world forgot.

Through the wind and the rain,
She stands hard as a stone in a world that she can't rise above;
But her dreams give her wings and she flies to a place where she's loved.

Concrete Angel

Sat, 18 Nov 2006 16:01:08 GMT

did u ever have a secret u wanted to tell the world?

Wed, 15 Nov 2006 02:00:17 GMT

Post Anonymously:
1. a question/something you've always wondered about me.
2. a music/book suggestion.
3. a compliment.
4. a criticism.
5. a hope for the future.

o I had my Brandeis interview today. I think it went well ::knocks on everything wood:: It was with a senior who worked at the admissions office so I felt a lot more comfortable and like we were laughing the whole time- it was very stress free, so hopefully I'll get in, and pray that I get a lot of money from them and i can go haha.
o ugh I shuld really be reading The Color Purple right now. whatevs
o I feel so helpless right now. Whatever I do is never enough...but just for me. Ill just never be good enough for me
o but at the same time, I wish i could please every1 else more too.

Wed, 08 Nov 2006 04:15:39 GMT

lifes boring.
rocky is over- happy about that. it was fun but I was sooo over it
1st quarter of skool is over this week and im getting like c's on my report card- this sux
almost done with applications- only like 3 questions left in total out of 11 school's applications so im quite relieved
please let me get into college
i guess we'll find out about Les Mis in like 2 weeks? obvs im not getting anything just cuz itz me

wait for i found a survey on myspace and itz reallly long so i cut some of it out but like i didnt kno how to get it on here via a link so Larissa spent like an hr eplaining it to me cuz im an idiot so i hope it works hhaha

I am incredibly insecure about my figure
I’m kind of okay with it, but it could be better
I love my body... It is beautiful!
Everybody is beautiful in their own way, fat or thin
My mother has the same figure as me, it’s all in the genes
I’d give anything to have real womanly curves
I do have womanly curves, I just don’t appreciate them
I’m pear shaped
I hate my tree trunk thighs!
I have long legs
I am short and squat
I’m stick thin
I need to loose weight fast
People tell me I should put ON weight
Supermodels should eat some doughnuts
Everything I eat goes directly on to my hips
I watch my calorie intake
You only live once, who gives a shit?
Embrace your curves!
I have lost a lot of weight in the past
I am a yo yo dieter
I don’t give a shit about diets, I eat what I want
I’m bigger up top than I am on bottom
I’m big and people tell me I’m really attractive
I do agree with the term ‘big is beautiful’
I sometimes fish for compliments when it concerns my body
I wouldn’t be caught dead in a bikini, I don’t have the body for it
I look fabulous in a bikini
I’m really tanned
I’m pale

My face is;
Round
Square
Oval
Heart shaped
Something else
My face is fucked up hah
Some People tell me I have a pretty face
I have a plain looking face
I have freckles on my face
I have moles on my face
I have big ears
I have big bright eyes
I have dark and mysterious eyes
I have long eyelashes
I wear false eyelashes
I love to emphasize my eyes with black eyeliner
I have full, thick, kissable lips
I have thin lips
Mine are just kind of normal actually no but w/e haha
I wear outrageous make up
I’m all natural babeh!

Clothes, Style and General Stuff

If I were FORCED to label myself, I’d have to go with:
Goth
Emo
Preppy/trendy/fashionable
Punk
Tomboy
Girly
Childlike
Mosher
Mambo
Surfer
Grunge
Chav
Something else

Most of my clothes consist of (bold as many as you’d like)

Dark and gothic, velvet and romantic
PVC and leather
Denim
Fish net
Stripes
Polka dots
Bright and neon colours
Baggy jeans
Cord
Ties
Jackets
Revealing tops
Halternecks
Logo T-shirts
Band T-shirts
Cardigans
Sportswear
Animal print
Designer
Vintage
Corsets/Basques
Bikinis/swimwear
Shorts
Khaki
Combats
Army print
Chequered
Tartan
Dresses
Mini skirts
Floorlength skirts
Something else

Bold What Applies

I have a serious attitude problem
I hate repetitive surveys
I dig 80s music
I'm feeling pretty lonely right now
Donnie Darko is really overrated
I have a shell necklace
Cats are my favourite animal
I wish I was with my boyfriend right now
My mother had me when she was too young
I haven't brushed my teeth yet today
I love lollipops
I hate chewing gum
I once ate takeaway food three nights in a row
Will Ferrell is hilarious
I don't think hats suit me
I wear alicebands
I have heard of the band Tears For Fears
I don't drive and I’m not sure if I ever will
I'd rather be driven than drive myself
My job consists of sitting around on my arse all day... no, seriously
Oh no, the sun is out
I miss last summer...
The good memories of my past make me want to cry
I HATE Star Wars
Angelina Jolie was a great actress in Girl, Interrupted
I know where Shakespeare was born in England
I'm not interested in Shakespeare or any of his plays
The term 'whatever' is used when the person doesn't have anything better to say
Zebra print is so effing tacky
If I were to get fat, I wouldn't care... big is still beautiful
Girls who look anorexic, now that is repulsive
If you were to give me $200 right now, I’d go right out and spend it all
I want to go to Madame Tussaud’s wax museum
I don't know much about my country's history
I do not own a fucking bikini, ugh
I wear earrings everyday
I had a very disturbing dream last night
I can't watch animals eating other animals on wildlife TV, it makes me so sad
I love to read True Crime
I would find it hilariously funny if President Bush tripped over his own two feet and fell off a cliff
I wish Tony Blair was our president and not England’s prime minister, he's a nice guy
I live in America and do not have an American accent
I can fake a Scottish accent
Some music moves me to tears
I have read the book 'Jane Eyre'
I love Borders Bookstore... they have everything
I'd love to work there
I HAVE worked there
I have never purchased anything from starbucks
I can sing opera
I have seen a picture of my parents on their wedding day
My parents never married
Sometimes I wonder if I was adopted
I strongly believe in reincarnation
The celebrity I’d most love to meet is dead
I find Joaquin Phoenix highly sexilicious
I call people 'fools' a lot
People in motorized wheelchairs make me laugh
I have been caught singing into my hairbrush
When I’m embarrassed I turn bright red
I don't blush
I'm not squeamish at the sight of blood
Guys who smell good really turn me on
If I don't get my own way I kick up a fuss
One of my favourite actors is Jim Carrey
Kate Winslet is the perfect example of an English Rose
I seriously think Sarah Jessica Parker is one of the ugliest female actresses out there
I enjoy taking walks by myself in the summer
One of my pets recently died
I want to marry a fat old man with loads of cash
I'm afraid of all animals with hooves
I'm dead interested in the supernatural
My mother is such a gossip

Bold what applies

I am very exhausted
I have dusted my bedroom recently
When I was little, I was afraid of skeletons
I have a very morbid fascination with the dead
I also have a xanga for icons
I only own heeled shoes
I always moisturize before applying foundation/make up
Wouldn't it be great if the moon really WAS made of cheese?
I'd climb mount everest for a million
I love my dad
I have a cute little kitten
The curtains are closed in the room I am in
I have candles I never light
My bestfriend lives in another country than me
Seals are so adorable!
I'm afraid of sharks
I use my digital camera practically daily
I need to do my laundry
I got new clothes yesterday
I need to buy new make up
I don't have a signature
I still watch Nickelodeon
Jockers really piss me off
Cheerios are so overrated
My bed is broken
I need to touch up my roots
I have a foot fetish
Sometimes I think I want a baby
I have a weird obsession with glitter
I am NOT listening to music right now
Britney Spears looks rather ugly these days
I blow dry my hair
I didn't sleep well last night
Original survey sites are the best
I say 'man' after everything
People are always telling me to smile or cheer up and it gets on my nerves
I have a high pitched voice
I'd love a duck for a pet
I'd probably end up eating it, sorry
Nighttime is beautiful
I've never seen a sunset
I type slowly
I have paint shop pro
I have a BEBO profile
I suck at everything
I have heard Metallica's 'The Black Album'
I try to subscribe to all the new survey sites
I feel sick...blurgh
Getting band adds on myspace really makes me mad
My sex life is non existent
I have heard of the singer Will Young
My parents dig Elton John
I don't think he's too bad either
I smell food
I admit it, I jock surveys sometimes
I play in the sand
I'm athletic
I'm skinny and need to put on some meat
My hair is greasy
I have heard of the band MacBeth
I have seen Igby Goes Down
I need to vacuum
I don't have many friends, but thats ok, really
Barbeques = yay!
James Blunt whines like a little schoolboy
Lindsay Lohan looked hotter with red hair and CURVES
Ashley Olsen is prettier than Mary Kate
It's my boyfriends birthday soon
I hate hot weather, I feel all sticky

Bolding what you love and hate

Bold what you love:
True love
Your boyfriend
Your friends
Xanga
Myspace
Livejournal
AIM
MSN
Yahoo
AOL
Changing/making layouts
Shopping
Eating out
Coffee
Starbucks
Ice cream
Sunny days
Rainy days
Snow
Christmas
Halloween
Easter
Birthdays
Birthday cake
Receiving presents
Giving presents
Grandparents
Chores
Dressing up
Make overs
Colouring
Painting
Drawing
Sculpting
Collaging
Writing stories
Writing poetry
Writing lyrics
Music
Celebrities
Gossip
Hollywood
Movies
Your country
President Bush
Tony Blair
Vegetarianism
Kids
Babies
Animals
Sleep
Sunsets
Sunrise
Playing a sport
Watching a sport
Walking
Video games
Chocolate
Graveyards
History
Architecture
Reading
Surveys
Icons
Quotes
Art
God/Jesus
Church
Baths
Showers
Meat
Alcohol
Smoking
Drugs
The heat
The cold
Beaches
Sunbathing
Cruises
Cars
Motorcycles
Riding a bike
Horseriding
Zoos
Museums
Art galleries
Castles
Science
Maths
Stuffed toys
TV
Cartoons
Emo fashion
Goth fashion
Preppy fashion
Skater fashion
Punk fashion
Junk food
Fast food
Antique hunting
Kniting/sewing
Learning another language
Getting new clothes
Washing your hair
Dying your hair
Debates
School
Painting your nails
Nighttime
Being pampered
Your job
Lazy days
Day outs
Pop music
Rap music
Hip hop music
Rock music
Metal music
Jazz music
Country music
R'n'B music
Emo music
Punk music

Bold what you hate:

People/general public
Fear
Pain
Racism
Sexism
Bugs
Spiders
Going out
Alcohol
Getting drunk
Smoking
Drugs
Ignorance
Arrogance
Vanity
Selfishness
Myspace
Sunny days
Rainy days
Snow
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"Celebrities" who don't deserve their status
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Xenophobia ???
Homophobia
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Getting your period
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Bolding ‘AB0UT Y0U’ Survey!

My hair is...
Black
Brown
Red
Blonde
Mousy
Streaked
Dyed
Pink
Purple
Other
Longer than Shoulderlength
Shorter than Shoulderlength
Shiny
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I have...
Hazel eyes
Blue eyes
Brown eyes
Green eyes
Grey eyes
Big eyes
Small eyes

I am...
Under 5’0
5’0-5’5
5’6-5’9
5’10-6’0
Taller than 6’0

My body is...
Skinny
Slim
Average
Curvaceous
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Fat

Fri, 29 Sep 2006 01:07:07 GMT

hmmm itz been like months since ive updates so lets see...

school- super stressed, and like i dont get a lot of homework most days but when i do itz crazy and like i end up having 4 tests in one day- like tonigth which i dont kno why then im updating tonight out all of nights when i have eco bio french and theory to study for but whatevs. soo much to do for college- at least only 3 out of my 11 colleges dont take common app so itz not too much extra work...just a lot of supplements. once itz all over ill be soooo happy and so relieved. itz a good year so far tho.

rocky- had my opening show on sunday- it was YPT's opening show in general and it wasnt to bad... i expected it to be like terrible and it wasnt. ofcourse i wasnt happy with my performance btu i never am so whatevs. overall itz been kinda fun- except for all the show date mix ups. so everycome see it- im in it Oct 8th at 7:30 and Oct 21 at midnight and im Magenta... and hopefully I wont suck lol

everything else- ugh my life is sooo stressful and like i just cant deal anymore. i just wanna change everything- and not even redo anything- just like from here-on i wish i could like snap my fingers and like be happy with stuff...whatevs. but the thing is like no1 will ever really kno what Im talking about so like it really doesnt even make sense so umm ok. bye haha

i should probs get bak to studying
yay no school for the next 2 mondays!!!
we find out the skool show tomorrow- even tho i cant make the meeting
this was a waste of an entry
whoops

augest update...except i cant spell augest

Thu, 31 Aug 2006 02:54:10 GMT

ugh i miss cape cod. i luv it there cuz all i do is hang at the pool and go shopping and it doesnt matter what u look like when u go to dinner and itz sooo stress free. itz like the best week of the year...plus i get soooo tan :)

rocky is a lot of fun and im having such a great time as Magenta. I got my dates:
sept 24- 7:30
oct 8- 7:30
oct 21- midnight
nov 4- midnight (closing)
so u better be there!!!

i made all-state for choir which is cool. my dad was flipping out and im pretty excited- it'll be a really good experience.

school hasnt even started and im sooo stressed. between my summer assignments, rehearsals, college stuff, and everything else i do i have like no down time but thats ok. i just have soo much to do in so little time and i feel like nothing is gunna get done.

whatevs seniors 07... how insane?!?!?!?

Thu, 10 Aug 2006 03:24:01 GMT

sunday i had rocky horror callbacks and I GOT MAGENTA! im psyched!!! it sux cuz itz triple casted and most of the leads are not phantoms when were not leads so like basically im in 4 shows out of the whole 12 show run which is terrible but im still sooooo excited for the part. rehearsals have been so much fun... even tho im there for like 45 min every time cuz they start so early while Im still at camp. Itz also set casts- like the leads wont be mixed up every show like last year.. Ill be with the same people every show which while itz good that we will get used to each other I was really looking forward to working with everyone so Im really disappointed. Basically- You better come see me.

as of now im going to splish splash on Sat with Radha and maybe cori and Im sriving- oyy veyy haha. itz gunna be so fun. i havnt been there not as a counselor since i was like 7

I drove in the city today!! me and my dad went to see this dance company...who was amazing by the way... and i full out drove there and it was soo scary. like the roads were so tight and like people walking inches away from the car i thought i was gunna run someone over but thankgooodness i didnt. it was soo scarey.

ugh camp is sooo stressful. itz over in a week in 2 days tho. im happy and reallly sad tho. it was a lot of fun. i luved my group

Thu, 03 Aug 2006 22:16:28 GMT

i cant take myself anymore. whatever. eww.

besides that, the summer is really fun. i cant believe itz like over half over. i luv being a counselor this year. my kids are sooo good and theyre so cute. i need to take pics- maybe tomorrow. itz a lot of fun.

i need to get a dress for my sisters bat mitzvah next month- i kno itz last minute but thats the way i roll nd itz not good cuz it takes me forever since i hate buying clothes for me. itz gunna be really hard for me-in a few ways.

im getting so organized for college. i have like a list of 23 colleges (haha) but i bought a huge accordian folder and labeled it and alphabetized it and im researching all the colleges more and looking at the application processes for each so i can narrow it down to like 12 or so and then i can start actually applying so im proud for actually starting sooooo early on this cuz normally id wwait until like december haha but i kno how long this is gunna take.

cape cod in 16 days!

bleh

Wed, 05 Jul 2006 04:27:58 GMT

im reading the perks of being a wallflower and so far itz like a reallly good book. but basically i found a quote thats the exact opposite of what i feel like right now:

"I think it was the first time in my life I ever felt like I looked "good". Do you know what I mean? That nice feeling when you look in the mirror, and your hair's right for the first time in your life? I don't think we should base so much on weight, muscles, and a good hair day, but when it happens, it's nice. It really is."

thats it. ok bye

Juneeee

Mon, 26 Jun 2006 00:37:20 GMT

ok.. heres the June update haah

Birthday: on my actually birthday i went to the dmv to hand in my drivers ed cirtificate and now i have my lisence!!! woooo..after passing my road test in January haha. the day after Hil radha and cori made me a surprise scavenger hunt and basically had me driving all around POB looking for clues and eventually i ended up at Hilarys house where they had acake and balloon and stuff for me. I had such a fun time- it was soo nice of them to plan it all out. I really have such great friends. Then the day after i had a few people over to celebrate my birthday and it was cute. I had a really good birthday this year, even tho my actual birthday wasnt anything special.

Last day of school: i got all of my grades and im pretty happy with all of them except physics, which isnt even bad- just really bad for me haha. But the rest were good. 99 on history reg, 97 on english reg, and while my final grades werent all high A's- i did end up with with straight A's and once everything is waded i'll be happy. I was disappointed in a few things tho but whatevs haha. I find out my June SAT score tomorrow...ugh i hope i did even a little better just so i can secure my score.

Class of 06- im really sad that the seniors are graduating- actually graduated. I became so close with so many of them and over these years I have really turnd to so many of them- especially in drama. Next year is gunna be really hard without them.

Camp- camp starts this week- but not until thursday which im happy about cuz i still have a few more days to hang out. tomorrow i go the camp grounds to like set up and stuff- not looking forward to it lol. Im excited for camp tho- i hope i like having little kids- 2nd grade- cuz last year i had 6th grade and while it was a lot of fun, i wanted youngins (haha funny word) this year, so we'll see.

ok- im gunna go bak to watching Harry potter. k bye
p.s. i should really update more so that the entries dont get so long hahaha

# 382 and 383

Sun, 04 Jun 2006 20:49:45 GMT

numbers 382 and 383 of why my life is collapsing before my eyes...

#382: i wasnt sure what time i had to be at the place for my dance recital so i asked the owner and she said 4:30. ok- sounds good. i go to the first show on sat and everything went well. im already for sunday's show when i go through the program and dont see this particular dance that was in the sunday 4:00 show...and which show was it in? the noon show! the person told me the wrong time and i missed my own dance recital because we trusted that she told me the corect time. if i hold only looked at the schedule and wasnt silly i would have been there. iwuncucngkgeh,gahhhhh

#383: my dad told me we have to refinance things- which isnt a big surprise cuz we have to cut down on things every year..and what is it next year? we cant afford dance...or if i take dance it can only be for like the first 3 or 4 months before we start working on the recital dances and i would have to pay for most of it- which im sure i have the money for, and i can only take voice lessons for the first few months of the year because after that it gets too expensive as well. look at that- the two things that i enjoy (and the two things i do in my spare time) i have to give up...what else is knew?

and now i must study for a history test on the depression all the way thru the cold war- thank you mrs fielding

fuk this

Sun, 04 Jun 2006 03:10:44 GMT

to add onto my misery i can no longer be in mainstage bye bye birdie because i am going to be in cape cod during one of the weeks of the show- which means i would be missing 2 or 3 of the shows..and apparently even if i was emsemble, that is enough to "put me out of the running", as the director told me. so now watch, something will happen and i cant be ypt bc that will also be the week i am away and i will go from doing two shows to no shows and i will have a terrible summer. whatever- im having my midlife crisis at 17 in 12 days. fuk this. everything just keeps getting worse and worse...im really hating my life at this point.

Thu, 25 May 2006 23:58:38 GMT

whatevs. this has been like the worst week of my life and it needs to end now. like it seriously was horrible. This weekend was terrible, im not looking forward for bye bye birdie this summer at all, i completely blew whatever chances i had of getting any officer position next year at my interview- like it was horrific, and im just so sick of certain people and certain crap. whatevs im n such a bad mood and school needs to end. i need to leave plainview right now.

Thu, 25 May 2006 03:39:07 GMT

1) prom was fun. me and max were pretty darn cute. afterprom was..umm..whatevs.
2) ewww Katharine mcphee didnt win idol. i knew it but she should have
3) i tried out for bye bye birdie. it went well- well i mean the directors kept complimenting me and said they really liked my voice and were impressed that i was in SAG and stuff lol. i made ensemble mainstage, which i was really happy about but now im just kinda ehh just cuz every1 ive talked to made it also so i dont feel as good about it but w/e haha. and i also made ypt and the director said that he def wants me to have a part so he didnt want me to have a callbak and he was gunna contact me when the rehearsals began to talk to me about what part i would get. i mean it wouldnt be anything good- and itz not 100% definate that im getting somethng, but he sounded pretty certain that he wanted me to have something. so i mean im happy that im getting at least a small part but im upset that he didnt feel i was good enough to go out for a lead...whatevs. i guess itz good tho cuz he said he def wants me singing and dancing and stuff and with a callbak theres a lot more uncertainty of getting the part and this way ill have something. idk....whatevs. i cant decide if im happy or not.
4) im going the last week of august and i hope it doesnt conflict with the ypt shows- knowing my luck it will and ill have to miss half the shows like i did for Aida- wonderful. it def does for mainstage but there are a lot of those shows so idc
5) summer sooooooo soon, but school is going soo slow now and it needs to stop.
6) my room is soooo hottttt and im like sweating

kbye